Thoughts on Rejection

So this week, we decided to try and sign up with one of those bijou online retailers who do unusual stuff, that isn’t in every multiple outlet store. Right up our street, oui? So I filled out the forms, explained why I thought it was a hand in glove fit, and promptly got an automated rejection. 

Fortunately, I’m pretty good at rejection. Comes from a genetic heritage of being considered a bit odd (going back many generations), combined with a family philosophy of not really being overly concerned with what other people think. Now, that has its pros and cons. For instance, I’m a bit too detached to understand why people watch soap operas. And I’m not even sure if that’s a pro or a con. 

Anyway, I digress. This particular outfit (see para 1), sneakily get you to sign up for their mail stream as you sign up to their process. I mean, you want to work with them, right? So it would be rude not to say that you want to hear their news. 

But now that the polites are out of the picture, here’s my draft response to their first e.mail:

Dear Fellow Creatures, 

Thank you for your interest in clogging up my mail box. As you can imagine, we get many, many items of junk mail every day, so we have to be very selective. 

At this time, we cannot be arsed to read yours, and therefore, we would like to wish you luck in your attempts to dominate the internet, but regret to tell you that we must unsubscribe at this time. 

Due to the volume of spam we receive, this is an automated message, and we cannot enter into individual conversations with spammers. Unless they’re really crazy, cos that’s too much fun to resist.

Yours sincerely, etc etc…..

Hit send?

Either I’m French, or This Customer Really Isn’t Right.

Wow.

I try to be balanced and impartial in the face of strangers. I try to make my customer service a ‘want more’ experience. And, to date, feed back suggests I’m doing ok on that. But it turns out that my customer service has an Achilles Heel.

Apparently, if you want to complain to me, it’s best to do it in something that loosely resembles literate English. Oh, and it helps to have a valid complaint.

So, who or what could have prompted this little rant?

Well, typically, the most problems seem to be caused by the smallest sales. Isn’t that just the way? So, on a £2.99 retail sale – one single card – I’ve now spent way too much time arguing back and forth with an idiot.

This guy ordered his card on 4th Feb. We dispatched it same day, as we normally do. Then LAST NIGHT (14th Feb) at about 9.30 pm, he e.mailed to say that he hasn’t received his Valentine’s card…actually, no. I’m going to cut and paste the message, cos you just wouldn’t believe it otherwise:

my item as not arived at all and it was for valintines day and am not happy at all so wot is goiner happen now am i getin a refund coz the card is no good now coz valintines day is today the 14 th febuary 2013

I responded as politely as I could, explaining that we would have had to have known this around the delivery due date, or at least before Feb 14th in order to correct the problem.

To which I got this:

well ave only got acuess to computer yesterday so if this doesnt  get sorted then i will not be shopin again whith (site name) and i will be lettin people no how bad it is to order sumthin from youse

At this point, it was polite be damned. I felt it only fair to remind our buyer that in the first instance, I really wasn’t responsible for his computer access and he might want to confirm that the address he’d given us was, in fact, accurate. I just had a hunch that the command of English he displayed in his messages might have affected his form filling ability.

We await his response.

Even Postman Pat would have trouble with this one.

Zero Balance

If I were to pick a month to hate, I think February is shaping up to be it. Might be something to do with the disturbing trend of a week in the NEC followed by a death that shakes me to the core. And no amount of post show positivity is going to cover it up.

The Tranquil Space Designs office is a very subdued one today.

Goodbye, my friend.

I wish we’d had more time.

2013, Here We Come!

Just as I was running out of ideas on ways to avoid coming back to work, the Giftware Association kindly provided me with a good one for coming back. So, I’m half way down a ravine with my five year old (expedition leader, if you must know) when I get an e.mail saying that our Twinkle Twinkle Birthdays and Quirke & Co ranges have been shortlisted for Gift of the Year.

Ok, ok, that’s not quite how it happened. I wasn’t half way down a ravine, though we did do that, and the five year old was the expedition leader. But it sounds better than “I was sitting on the sofa when I got an e.mail….” You know I’m right!

Naturally, we’re delighted. Got back Sat night and the hard copy deadline is tomorrow, so some frantic picking and packing and labelling ensued. Fingers crossed. We like them. Our customers like them. So let’s hope the judging panel likes them too.

A Long Time Ago…..

My friend Paul posted this on FaceBook today, and I thought it looked vaguely familiar. It all became clear of course in the final frame, and I realised that I had, in fact, commissioned him to make it about a decade ago when I was working at Morrow Communications. I loved it then, and I still love it now. Paul and his team went on to make the phenomenally beautiful Secret of Kells. If you haven’t seen that, put it on your Christmas list now. In them meantime, enjoy what was once the frontline of internet use. Is it just me, or was the cutting edge a bit, well, blunt in those days? As Paul observes in his notes, the internet was in its infancy. How quickly they grow up. Enjoy!

 

Open Letter to a Thief

Dear Sonofabitch,

I’d like to say a heartfelt fukutoo for your recent crime. But I won’t. Instead, I’ll tape you to a chair and make you listen to endless hold music and conversations with police, insurance providers, irate purchasers, paypal and ebay.

It’s funny, isn’t it? I mean, it must have taken you all of three, maybe five minutes to slit open the box, remove the contents, tape it back up and send it on its way. Meanwhile, I’ve spent at least a day trying to find out where I stand, appease the devastated buyer, persuade him that I’m not some kind of con artist and find a way to get the  £859 purchase price back to him while paypal do their best to get in the way and ensure that he gets even more pissed off with me.

And it’s not even the inconvenience. You see, the proceeds of the sale, were earmarked to kickstart a new project. But now, this project (designed to help parents celebrate and encourage early years creativity, if you’re even mildly interested) will have to go back on the slow burner, cos I don’t know about you, but for me £859 is a nice little windfall. I work hard. I try to do the right thing. I don’t throw litter, I try to teach my kids right from wrong, I certainly don’t go round taking other people’s things. But clearly that wasn’t something you had the benefit of being taught.

So, despite my annoyance and embarrassment over the empty box that turned up at my poor buyer’s house, I’m actually feeling kind of sorry for you. I mean, what kind of person causes havoc in such a random, carefree way? Look, the best I can hope for you  is that you have some kind of life changing moment in the course of this crime; that something starts to trickle through your mind, like a karmic toilet duck. And you know what? When that’s done, I’ll buy you a coffee and you can tell me how the trip went.

Sincerely,

Deirdre

PS: fukufukface.

Competition – Win one of Three Selection Boxes of Our Cards, RRP £70

Guys, it’s competition time over on the Tranquil Space FB page. Any of you who are on FB can check it out here: Tranquil Space Designs on FB  Like our FB page, find the Christmas robin design, like it and share to your FB wall.

Three prizes – selection of 24 cards each, worth approx £70 in the shops, including our light-up Christmas Cards (v.cute

Small print: No cash alternative; organisers decisions final; winner will be contacted for suitable delivery address.

It’s that simples