So this week, we decided to try and sign up with one of those bijou online retailers who do unusual stuff, that isn’t in every multiple outlet store. Right up our street, oui? So I filled out the forms, explained why I thought it was a hand in glove fit, and promptly got an automated rejection.
Fortunately, I’m pretty good at rejection. Comes from a genetic heritage of being considered a bit odd (going back many generations), combined with a family philosophy of not really being overly concerned with what other people think. Now, that has its pros and cons. For instance, I’m a bit too detached to understand why people watch soap operas. And I’m not even sure if that’s a pro or a con.
Anyway, I digress. This particular outfit (see para 1), sneakily get you to sign up for their mail stream as you sign up to their process. I mean, you want to work with them, right? So it would be rude not to say that you want to hear their news.
But now that the polites are out of the picture, here’s my draft response to their first e.mail:
Dear Fellow Creatures,
Thank you for your interest in clogging up my mail box. As you can imagine, we get many, many items of junk mail every day, so we have to be very selective.
At this time, we cannot be arsed to read yours, and therefore, we would like to wish you luck in your attempts to dominate the internet, but regret to tell you that we must unsubscribe at this time.
Due to the volume of spam we receive, this is an automated message, and we cannot enter into individual conversations with spammers. Unless they’re really crazy, cos that’s too much fun to resist.
Yours sincerely, etc etc…..